Me Teach Pretty One Day
Thursday, July 27th, 2006Last Tuesday, I had a taste of what it’s like to be a carnival attraction.
I took up this one-day job as co-facilitator for a summer camp of grade schoolers from the neighboring Shandong province. I was informed that there will only be seven to ten students and my job was only (ONLY being the operative word here) to accompany them on tour of the famous Zhou Zhuang Water Village in Kunshan and engage them in simple English conversations. Until that day came and nothing was like what I was told.
First, the kids must have been Gremlins incarnate that caught the rain because the supposed 7-10 headcount rose to a startling 80! Then I thought my very light make-up of powder and lipstick made me look the part of a geisha compared to all the teachers who wore none, and who seemed appalled that I took care to make myself appear presentable. They spent the entire day casting stealthy glances my way, and their obvious discomfort over my presence made me feel like a scientific experiment gone wrong that everyone feared and wanted to keep at bay.
When I was introduced to the kids, whose ages range from 9-12, as "the English teacher," they appeared so terrified it wouldn’t have been surprising if they all performed aspersion on me right that very moment. But since they’re most likely non-Catholics, I imagined them reciting Buddhist incantations to ward off an evil spirit instead. It was only when their teachers revealed that I spoke both Mandarin and English that their wary and aloof eyes lit up followed by huge sighs of relief. ( I found out later they knew and spoke very little English.)
After that, I turned to a specimen that they examined and stared at with curious wonder. I was bombarded with questions like "Lao shi (teacher),why isn’t your hair blonde," "Why don’t you have blue eyes" and "Are you a Chinese or an American" — all because I kew English. So I found myself repeating explanations about my family roots just to show them the facts on what makes me essentially Chinese in terms of genealogical makeup. I have never said so much about myself in my whole deleted years of existence.
Later in the day, I was in for another shock. Like I said earlier, my understanding of my job was to converse with the kids in English. So imagine my surprise when I was called in by one of the teachers who asked me to organize an activity for the kids where they could utilize and practice their English skills. Err…nobody told me that it was part of my job or that day’s activities for that matter so I was practically unprepared. My mind raced quickly and rewinded back to my childhood days hoping to recall any classroom activity that we’ve had. But nothing came up, not one!
The teacher, seeing my obvious distress and inability to deliver, came to my rescue ( but not without a trace of annoyance) and suggested that I sing with them instead. The song: If You’re Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands. The bad news: I didn’t know the complete lines to that song. It’s a good thing there’s this boy who knew it, and in the guise of testing him, I asked him to sing the song in whole while I mentally memorized the lines. It’s a relief the kids enjoyed it. The next activity, where I taught them simple English words and phrases also turned out well.
The rest of the day was thankfully not marred by any more disaster on my part though I knew I’ve left an ugly impression among the teachers. This was confirmed when the principal approached me with this comment: "The teachers are all wondering why the school coordinator sent us a young girl." In normal circumstances, being referred to as "young" or "youthful" would induce me into a sky-high stupor of self-adulation but not in this case. Clearly, they’re saying I’m a "disappointment" and not the right person for the job. Not that I disagree ( hehe) but still, nobody jumps in glee at a negative feedback so it made me feel a little bad.
My saving grace for that day was the kids. They showed a great degree of fondness for me, and welcomed my presence for which I was very grateful and touched. Because of them, I didn’t mind for the first time about being badly burned, and sticky from the sun’s scorching heat. I even learned what "prickly heat" is in Mandarin from them.
So would I still do this if given the chance? Absolutely yes. But without the teachers who remind me of dementors.
ADDENDUM
That one experience made me realize that before accepting job offers of any nature the next time, I’ll have to make sure my resume carries the following caveats:
IS PREMATURELY SENILE BEYOND CURE -can’t remember things that are more than a day’s old so anything that requires memory recollection is largely discouraged and at best, avoided.
CHRONIC STAGE FRIGHT SUFFERER - shouldn’t be made to talk, do speeches or even stand in front of a crowd of more than ten people - kids from age 10 and up included. Otherwise, would start to exhibit strange behaviors such as slurred speech and sudden hearing loss brought about by the deafening sound of one’s rapid heartbeat. In most cases, would go as far as faking one’s own death to save oneself from foreseen disgrace and embarrassment.
HAS THE CREATIVITY OF A LEFT-BRAINED ( THOUGH NEITHER LEFT OR RIGHT-BRAINED) - Does not know the meaning of creative, artistic and anything related to innovation. Would rather be the table or chair in a role-play than the actor who acts as though he were the table and the chair. Has a great degree of aversion to group activities particularly those that require brainstorming. If forced to do any of the above activities, would always be wrongfully accused of being uncooperative,unhelpful and lazy.
And I still wonder why I’ve always had difficulty finding jobs…
